My Love Songs to No One

I was waiting for forever. Forever didn't come.
I was waiting for a gunshot to the heart.
I was waiting for clarification. For the truth.
To see if this whole sloppy and seducing mess was as predictable as I imagined.
I wasn’t waiting for love. I was waiting for my cold, mechanical heart to start beating again.
I was waiting for my hair to ignite into self-absorbed flames,
burning away all others who dared to look upon my smoldering pride.

I was waiting for something. You didn’t come.
Understanding didn’t come. Self-pity didn’t even come.
Just the constant Tick-Tocking of my clockwork soul.
I was waiting for someone to thaw my face,
but all I got was the usual tune-up and oil fill for my rusting gears.

I was waiting for a moment. The answers didn’t come.
The world slept in and I was the only one who went to school Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
I wasn’t waiting for liberation. I was waiting for awareness.
I was waiting for my warm-blooded teacher to choose me as a volunteer,
so I could mess up and people would realize my fuses are fraying.
Nobody’s here.
The world slept in.
I wasn’t waiting for sympathy. I was waiting for the slap in the face,
so that the fading red mark would be a reminder of what Pain feels like Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

I was waiting for inspiration. Paris didn’t come.
I wasn’t waiting for anything specific. I was waiting to be caught off guard.
Cannot compute.
At least something interesting is happening.
That gunshot you left isn’t bleeding,
only leaking small bits of fuel that keep my programming running.
I wasn’t waiting to be fixed, I was waiting to be broken from this shadow of a person.
To be with you and the storm clouds forever.
The sky would not cry.

I was waiting for forever. Forever didn’t come.
Only the rust.
And the Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.

Happy Saturday.