Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Listen To My Terror

I'm afaid of normality.
I'm afraid of change.

I'm afraid people will find out who my Pen Name belongs to and be disappointed.
That I'm just that one kid that sits in the front.
The one that is only really noticed when they say something completely nonsensical or irrelevant.

I'M AFRAID I'M IRRELEVANT.

I'm afraid I'm doing it right wrong.
I'm afraid if I finally do it correct, no one will notice.


....I'm afraid of getting noticed.

I'm afraid of the word drizzle. And moist. And pus. And bodies. And drizzle.

I'm...wondering.

I'm afraid of speed rather than heights. I'm afraid of ouches.

I'm afraid to lose everything. For I will give everything to keep my Everythings.

I'm afraid of birds. Stay away from my sandwich.

I'm afraid I won't have my dreams come true. I'm even more afraid I won't have dreams.

I'm afraid of failure.
I'm afraid of worthless success.

I'm afraid of shackles.
I'm afraid of leaving my cell.
I'm afraid my ribbons will come loose and no one will tell me.

I'm afraid I wasn't good enough for heaven, but not bad enough for hell.
I'm afraid apologies will lose their effect.

I'm afraid of expiration dates. Both on foods and on chances.

I'm afraid I won't get out of Utah.
I'm terrified to leave this suffocating State.
                   To leave this suffocating state.

I'm afraid I'll be forgotten...

I'm afraid of you and I'm afraid of myself.

I'm afraid of my potential.

I'm afraid to depend on people.
I'm afraid when people depend on me.

I'm afraid I never did enough.
I'm afraid of disappointing.
And even more, disappointment


I'm afraid of regret.
I'm afraid I won't feel regret.

Aren't you listening?
I'm afraid.

Happy Tuesday
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12 comments:

  1. Paige February 23, 2012 at 9:59 PM

    I really like this alot alot alot. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. angel nevaehFebruary 24, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    I like the line "im afraid of regret" or "im afraid of myself" :) im afraid of both of those to!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Devastation DiariesFebruary 24, 2012 at 7:40 AM

    I'm so obsessed with this part: "I'm... wondering".

    ReplyDelete
  4. David Narayan February 24, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    Yeah I hear you, and i think that its great how you can dig deep to figure out all of these fears, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Zack TaylorFebruary 24, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    I'm afraid of shackles.
    I'm afraid of leaving my cell.

    This is beautiful, wow...
    I'm adding this to my list. in my journal of course.
    plus also,
    Marry me?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kizzy Willey-RicedorffFebruary 24, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    i love how you say what you are afraid of but you are afraid of missing that fear. confusing sometimes. but good!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Adrian NOT DylanFebruary 24, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    you know what.. I love that you aren't afraid to tell all your fears. It's impressing that you can identify your fears in such a cool way. My favorite line was when you said you would give your everything to keep your everything... GOLDEN man

    ReplyDelete
  8. Charles XavierFebruary 24, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    im afraid of speed rather than heights

    this line blew me away, im afraid of heights but now I might be afraid of speed, thanks a lot

    I also liked the line, im afraid of birds. stay away from my sandwich

    funny, but we've all thought it at one time or another

    ReplyDelete
  9. the great oneFebruary 24, 2012 at 10:05 AM

    i think it is beautiful, you really made it real. and it made you think about your own fears , good work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lucky DimeFebruary 24, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    "I will give m everything to keep my Everything." Love how the second Everything is capital and the first is not. It gives it a whole lot more meaning.
    "I'm afraid of worthless success." Deep man.
    The expiration dates on chances is gooood.
    "I'm terrified to leave this suffocating state." I'm with ya! But I want out!
    Very well done. You have a really good way you word things. I feel a lot of that stuff too but sometimes I just cant figure out how to get it into words.
    Henhao. Mucho bueno. Very good.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Positive LivingMarch 5, 2012 at 9:03 AM

    Very nice job, im afraid of a few of those as well.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Evelyn Asher PuririSeptember 19, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    Dear kid who sits in the front,
    I notice you. I notice your writing, and who you really are(or aren't). I admire your wondering.

    ReplyDelete

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