Real Talk- Dusty Windows

I've always have had a problem with public speaking.
It's not stage fright by any means, just public speaking.
I've performed on stages many times, and I never got the least bit nervous.
But right now, I'm having difficulties breathing, and right now, it's because I have to look at you.

When I'm on stage my fear is blinded by bright lights or distracted by a guitar.
I don't have to look at you when I'm on stage.

But when it comes to public speaking, it's always said you should make eye-contact with your audience.
I hate eye-contact.
They say that they eyes are the windows to the soul,
and, I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment just yet.

So don't look at me while I read these nervous words because,
I don't want to meet your soul right now.
I don't want it to take me out for coffee or tell me that I look pretty tonight.
Because I'm just not ready to look into your eyes.

And besides, I hate being called beautiful, and I hate going out on dates.
I have this messed-up mind set that, I want to love someone,
but I don't want someone to love me.

They might ask me out on a date or something.
They might try to make eye-contact with me or something.
And something, is making me feel like clockwork.
And who even knows if that's a good thing or not anymore.

I'm always trying to hurt myself, and break myself, because, pain feels pretty nice sometimes.
And I know recently I've been dark and gloomy.
I've just been drowning in the sea of heartbreak, deceit, and loss.
But really, I do think the world is beautiful,
and really, I'm being sincere when I say that the stars look beautiful tonight,
and I'm not just quoting that one book, or that one movie or that one guy.
The stars just look really nice tonight.
There's nothing cliche about beauty.

But there is something wrong with you, and there is something wrong with me,
and I can't stand the fact that we are looking at each other,
and the fact that we secretly hate each other,
and the fact that we judge and x-ray eachothers' souls by what shoes we're wearing today.

I'm wearing sneakers, so that makes me a Fascist.
You're wearing sandals, so that makes you a musician.
She's wearing boots, so that obviously makes her a dreamer.
Boot hurt my feet, but I still want to dream.
And, I don't like the sound sandals make, but I still want to play music.
And, honestly, I have nothing against the government right now,
I just like wearing sneakers.

So, you can pack up that x-ray, because, if you look through these windows,
you can see that my soul wants a break,
and it wants to walk in the hallways without being looked at, analyzed, diagnosed, and treated.
And my soul is going to wear whatever the hell it wants to today,
because today, I'm not going to look at anyone.

I'm not going to hear anything.

I'm not going to breathe.

Because today, I'm going to take my own eyes out for coffee,
and I'm going to tell my own eyes how pretty they look tonight,
because in all honesty, it's really about time that I got to know my soul a little bit better.
Because from what I know, I hear she's a great person.
It's just that, she's a little shy when it comes to making eye-contact with people,
and picking out her shoes for the day.


Happy Tuesday.